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Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do

Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do
By Wednesday Martin

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A groundbreaking and truly stepmother-centered way of understanding the tensions that seem to define relations between women and their stepchildren
 
Half of all women in the United States will live with or marry a man with children. And what woman with stepchildren has not—in order to defuse the often overwhelming challenges of the role—referred to herself as a "stepmonster"?

As Hope Edelman does in her book for motherless daughters, Wednesday Martin’s empowering and original Stepmonster unlocks the emotional mysteries of why stepmothers think and feel and act the way they do. Martin draws upon her own experience as a stepmother, interviews with other stepmothers and stepchildren, and fascinating insights from literature, anthropology, psychology, and evolutionary biology to reveal the little-understood realities of this most demanding role.

Stepmonster illuminates the harrowing process of becoming a stepmother, considers the myths and realities of being married to a man with children, counteracts the cultural notion that stepmothers are solely responsible for the challenges they encounter, identifies the "Five Step-Dilemmas That Create Conflict," and considers the emotional and social challenges men with children face when they remarry.

Finally, in an unexpected twist, Martin shows why the myth of the Wicked Stepmother is our single best tool for understanding who real stepmothers are and how they feel.

Product Details

  • Amazon Sales Rank: #40837 in Books
  • Published on: 2009-05-04
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 1
  • Binding: Hardcover
  • 336 pages

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

WEDNESDAY MARTIN holds a Ph.D. in comparative literature from Yale. She was a regular contributor to the New York Post’s parenting page for several years, and her work has appeared in a number of national magazines. Martin, a stepmother for nine years, lives with her husband and their two sons. www.wednesdaymartin.com

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
One day we are real, normal people, living alongside everyone else in the regular world, in normal time. Then we marry a man with children and somehow we become something utterly different from what we had believed ourselves to be. When we become a stepmother--even if defining ourselves by this role is the furthest thing from our minds, even if we have kids of our own and are loving mothers, even if his kids are grown...we are likely to find ourselves wrenched from whatever identity we inhabited, and forced into another way of being seen entirely. ...Why have the specific, shared experiences of women with stephchildren been largely ignored by feminists, sociologists, and even some of the very authors who write about stepmothers and stepmothering?...Disliking stepmothers is easy; suspecting them is more or less automatic. Caring about stepmothers, expressing concern about what they're going through, considering their reality at any length, requires a leap of faith.

Customer Reviews

What Every Stepmother Needs to Know5
Wednesday Martin could have written a moving memoir about her own experiences as a stepmother. She could have pieced together an enlightening narrative from interviews with stepmothers. Or she could have done a scholarly, rigorously researched treatise on what history and sociobiology have to say about stepmothering. Instead she has done all three, succinctly and articulately, in fewer than 300 pages.

Stepmonster dares to speak uncomfortable truths: that even the nicest stepmothers and stepchildren frequently don't like each other; that it can take years for stepfamilies to settle into something resembling a satisfactory adjustment; that stepmothers and stepchildren virtually never form bonds as close as birth parents and children; and that all of these things are completely normal.

For any woman who is a stepmother or is considering becoming one, this book is like water in the desert.

For all women who are stepmothers or are going to become one, READ this Book!1
*******************This is definitely a five star book!!!!!!!! Somehow I thought clicking the one on the left made it five stars.
As a therapist and stepmother, I found this book informative, fascinating, and well written. Far too little has been said about the role of the stepmother in modern families and Wednesday Martin does an excellent job.
Margot Weinshel, L.C.S.W., R.N., Faculty, Ackerman Institute for the Family, Clinical Instructor, Department of Psychiatry, NYU Medical School.

This is my life!5
From the perspective of a remarried dad with children from a prior marriage, this book is the real thing. Wednesday Martin tells it like it is. The descriptions of the emotional dynamics are right on target and the insights are priceless. This is a must read for all divorced fathers who are dating, engaged or already remarried. Your life will with your partner or wife will be forever changed--for the better. I particularly loved the chapter "Him."