Product Description

Nearly two out of three re-marriages that come with children fail; this book will help your new family succeed! It's essential reading for every woman who is navigating her way through stepfamily life.

Karon Phillips Goodman's new family went through some difficult times, but once she changed her approach to stepmothering, her family began to thrive. Now, mixing compassion and gentle humor, Karon shares those hard-earned lessons. She shows stepmoms that they can simplify their lives by focusing their precious time and energy on the things they can control and letting go of the rest. You'll learn how to:

* Turn unrealistic expectations into achievable ones
* Understand the obligations you have and don't have
* Get your stepchildren to respect your authority
* Use four powers to simplify your relationships
* Set goals for your family, and for yourself
* Communicate effectively with your family
* Use three simple techniques to build a wonderful future

Includes Karon's real-life experiences and "Tales from the Blender¨ by more than two dozen other stepmoms. Plus an extensive resource list and a bibliography.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #164517 in Books
• Published on: 2002-05-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 193 pages

Review
"Every stepmother's resource for saving sanity and spirit! Motivational, inspirational, and sensational!" -- Susan Wilkins Hubley, founder, Second Wives Club

"Heartily recommend[ed] . . . This is definitely one of those books you want to keep and refer back to time and again." -- Kim Peterson, Family Fusion (

"Inspiration is truly what you will receive from this book. . . . highly recommend [it] to any stepmom that could use encouragement." -- Brandy Horkey, Stepmom Group

"Plenty of tips for any stepparent. . . Karon keeps it simple, too . . . may well save a family from breaking up." -- Jill Curtis, Family Onwards

"Realistic, practical, and caring . . . a 'must read' for any woman who is, or who is about to become, a stepmother." -- Robert H. Lauer, Ph.D. and Jeanette C. Lauer Ph.D., co-authors, "Becoming Family: How to Build a Stepfamily that Really Works"

"This wonderful book . . . encourages us to make life-enhancing choices that can help keep the spark in our marriages." -- Sue Patton Thoele, author, "The Courage to be a Stepmom"

With this supportive book, you'll learn to focus on what you can control. Good lessons for all areas of life. -- National Parenting Publications, Gold Award 2003

[A]llows women to take comfort in knowing that . . . the challenges of step-parenting can be met with happy results. -- Fearless Reviews, August 2002

About the Author
Karon Phillips Goodman is a freelance journalist, author, and stepmom who frequently writes on stepfamily issues. She writes a newsletter, The Stepparenting Journey, and a monthly column, "The Stepmom's Sideroom," on Momscape.com. She has been a frequent contributor to Bride Again magazine. Karon's work has appeared in Woman's Day, Writer's Digest, The Writing Parent, Women's Circle, and many other publications and websites.

Karon is the author of a best-selling e-book for stepmothers, "It's Not My Stepkids, It's Their Mom!" (EquiLibrium Press).

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Foreword

Well, now you've really gone and done it. Just when you thought you had a clue about how to handle your life, you went and jumped in up to your neck.

You’ve married a man you love even more than long-lasting hair color. At the same time, you’ve become a parent to another woman’s children, whether they welcome you or not. You now have more relatives than you know what to do with, and just getting through a weekend requires a Ph.D. in strategic planning. Welcome to the world of the stepmother and second wife (and perhaps also mother and ex-wife). With all of these roles to fill, you've stopped trying to be Super Woman. You'll settle for being Sane Woman. Even that seems a lofty goal, considering the way you've complicated your life.

When you enter into a stepfamily, you become part of one of the most challenging kinds of family relationships. Your mind, your spirit, your patience, and your strength are tested time after time. As you overcome hurdles and sidestep hazards day in and day out, your life starts to feel like an endless obstacle course. Believe me, I know. This book grows out of my experiences in a stepfamily that has seen both good days and bad, one that has survived the many traumas that come with the territory. I come to you humbled but enlightened, offering any help that I can give.

The words of wisdom that I wish to share weren’t bequeathed from above as I sat meditating in the pristine quiet of early morning. No, I come to you as a battered soldier, one who has earned her stripes, thank you very much. I learned about stepfamily life the hard way. Sometimes I went into battle timidly—which was about as effective as waving a fly swatter at a grizzly bear. At other times I was merciless, as if pointing an assault rifle at a dandelion.

I struggled and cried and complained and contemplated felonies, until I came to the remarkable conclusion that I would be much happier—not to mention stay out of divorce court—if I somehow could simplify my life instead of complicating it more. I realized that the very quality of my life depended on finding a better way to meet its challenges, and I was determined to find a simpler path.

With that one decision, I regained all of the sanity and power I thought I had lost forever. I finally was able to focus on growth and possibilities, instead of loss and regret. If you, too, have surveyed the colossal pile of challenges that awaits you each day and longed for a simpler life, please read on. If you have lost control of your life since you remarried, or if you fear that will happen, take heart. You, too, can overcome. You can successfully tackle the debris that lies knee-deep around you—the loss and the fear, the doubt and the pain. I know how overwhelming it can be, and I hope that you will find help, strength, and guidance here.

If you make the choice to simplify the parts of your life that you can control, and then manage them well, there not only is hope—there is a great probability that your stepfamily will succeed. If you are able to experience the rewards and blessings of stepmothering that sometimes are hard to uncover, this book will have served its purpose. Before we get started, a few words of explanation: A stepfamily is a group of unrelated people brought together by one very brave couple. Sometimes in this book, I refer to these unions as "blended families." Even though we know that perfect blending isn’t possible in any stepfamily, I believe that your family can come together and share common goals and mutual respect. You can become more one family than two as each day passes. For that reason, I have chosen to alternate among the terms "family," "stepfamily," and "blended family." Second, my focus is on the stepmom because she often is the spouse who is caught in the middle of almost everything that happens in her family. She is hearth and home, yet she keeps time to another mom’s schedule. She is nurse and nurturer, yet she is neither first nor favorite. However devoted she may be to her stepchildren, her embrace of them is interrupted by another mom’s grasp. Although many dads in a stepfamily also are acutely aware of the difficulties, it is the stepmom who usually must deal with them so intimately, and for that reason this book is addressed to her.

Customer Reviews

Not entirely impressive...
First I want to start by saying that the book is probably geared better for a woman who already has at least one biological child of her own, coming into a relationship where her partner's biological child/children are being added to the picture. Also that in the relationship, the step children or the step-parenting experience is from the custodial perspective.

I would also like to add that while my review isn't a sparkling one, this book would seem to work for someone who is brand new to a relationship where the partner has kids and you want to know about things to consider before the relationship gets serious. If you are that person this book will only scratch the surface of what you are getting into, and in no way is any of this even the half of it, no matter how non-confrontational the dynamic of you/husband/stepkids/biological mother may be.

For myself, as someone who is already in a serious relationship trying to smooth out a lot of wrinkles with this situation, the book didn't fit what I was looking for. And really the book didn't provide any new information to me that I hadn't already considered.

Onward with the review:

The book's contents were motivational and coming from the perspetive to think positively, but the concepts and ideas were very cliche. I wasn't expecting anything profound since the reviews here on this book were mixed. There wasn't much that really jumped out at me as far as what to do differently to make improvements.

Many of the topics I would have liked to see were missed. Making life simpler for handling BM issues, visitation/non custodial things, are critical points that were not included in this book, and many stepmothers could use support with this.

Much of the content is a no-brainer for any adult, let alone adults dealing with stepparenting issues.

I was nearly offended at the suggestions of how handle discipline with children. The concepts that were presented were so incredibly simple, anyone WITHOUT kids would know to do these things. --Well at least I would hope! So the advice about how to handle particular situations in regards to discipline was of no service.

-Respect is paramount between all adults and children.
-Both parents can expect obedience from every child regardless of biology.

Each of these and many more concepts are summarized in a short paragraph (three sentences?) about what those things mean. They weren't presented as reminders or refreshers, in my opinion, but with the heir of assumption that most people don't already know these things or don't already have these ideas in place.

There are a few questions listed in the book to ask yourself to get grounded on and gain some clarity from;

-List the 5 biggest complications in my life.
-List 3 expectations for my step family.

Listing these things out is helpful, so I give the author credit for writing from a solution oriented-standpoint and wanting to help stepmothers keep their chins up.

But really, unless you're just really at a low point and could use some motivation, just save your money and write out a list of your griefs and ways to be solution oriented about them. The book was far too simplistic for advising on how to deal with a very complex set of dynamics.

if your THAT naive, read this book
I was in real need of some guidance and this book was rated high in a local parenting mag so I picked it up looking forward to reading someone's expert advice. But instead I felt like I was listening to a cheerleader give me advice. Enough already with the exclamation points. I get the basic premise. What I was hoping for was something more substantial backed up with facts and studies. If you have little emotional intelligence you will probably get something out of this book... i have an iota more than a little and found this book ridiculously simplistic.

When the honeymoon is over...
and reality hits you like a slap in the face, buy this book! You will learn essential tips from real stepmothers who share true stories about their relationships. Learn the best ways to handle challenges with in-laws, ex-wives, your husband and his kids, all the while maintaining your sanity!