Product Description

"Where the hell am I? How did I get here?"
 
Beginning at the age of 12, Jennifer Storm asked herself these questions many times after waking from alcohol-induced blackouts. During her teens and early twenties, Storm turned to alcohol to deal with the traumas in her life. In addition to alcohol, she also experimented with drugs, and eventually began using crack to deal with the deep black hole of sadness, loss, and unworthiness that she felt inside herself.
 
That is, until she awoke in a hospital psych ward and saw bandages on her wrists. "The doctor came in and said I was a very lucky girl to be alive," she explains, "and for the first time in my life, I believed it." She agreed to transfer to a rehabilitation center, though she wondered how life would be without alcohol and drugs. "Even as I asked myself this question, I quietly just knew I would never need them again. That inherent knowledge gave me a greater sense of peace than I had ever felt before. It was intoxicating in a whole new way."

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #68320 in Books
• Published on: 2008-02-15
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 304 pages

Review
A common story. A rare twist. When the American dream becomes her secret nightmare, Jennifer Storm begins the dark descent into addiction. Then she discovers that the same events that destroy her also create her. Written in a humble, raw voice, Blackout Girl helps us remember where we came from--and why.
--Melody Beattie,author of Codependent No More, The Grief Club, and other bestsellers. (Melody Beattie )

About the Author
Jennifer Storm is the Executive Director of the Victim/Witness Assistance Program in Harrisburg, PA. In 2002, Governor Edward G. Rendell appointed Ms. Storm as a commissioner to the Pennsylvania Commission on Crime and Delinquency. Her media appearances include appearances on all major networks as a spokesperson for victims rights. She has been profiled or appeared in We,, Women, Central Penn Business Journal, Rolling Stone, TIME, and many other media. This is Ms. Storm's first book.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

INTRODUCTION

I climb out of my new SUV and close the door. I am wrapping my black wool coat tightly around me and checking the time on my Blackberry when my tired colleague joins me on the sidewalk. It's 4:15 a.m. and we have been out for about three hours. "What was the address Detective Carter gave you?" I ask. She pulls out a small piece of paper and reads off the address.

I am not fazed to be on a dark street in a bad neighborhood in the middle of the night, because I've done that plenty of times in my sordid past, but this time is different. As we locate the house, I am keenly aware of how ironic this situation is. I walk up the cement steps and knock loudly on the door. I hold my breath and silently say a prayer. "God, please be my voice; allow me to deliver this message with compassion and love. God, please be with me and them."

The door opens and a frail, older, black woman in pajamas appears. "Good morning, Ma'am. Are you Mrs. Hunt, Jamie Hunt's mother?" I ask. Her eyes widen as she stutters out a "yes." "My name is Jennifer Storm, and I am the executive director of the Victim/Witness Assistance Program. This is my colleague, Amy. May we please come in, Ma'am?" She nods and opens the door for us to enter. In the living room, a small child plays on the steps. The woman says to an older man, "Honey, these people are from the county." He looks at us cautiously, realizing that we are not here with good news. He motions to the child to go upstairs. She pouts and gives me a dirty look as she stomps up the stairs. "What is this regarding?" he asks. Mrs. Hunt has taken a seat on the couch, and Amy sits down next to her. I ask Mr. Hunt if he would like to sit down, and he quickly responds that he is fine. I can tell he is half scared and half annoyed that we are in his home at this early hour. I kneel down in front of Mrs. Hunt.

This is the part of my job that I dislike the most. It is the hardest thing a person can do,  yet I do it with such ease that it almost frightens me. My voice goes into a very gentle but concise tone as I say, "At approximately 11:30 p.m., your son, Jamie, was shot twice on North Third Street in downtown Harrisburg." Her eyes widen and she gasps as her husband raises his hand to his forehead. I don't miss a beat, as I know I have to get this next sentence out as soon as I can. "He died instantly." Mrs. Hunt begins to let out a piercing scream that cuts the air like a knife. Amy immediately puts her arms around her and attempts to console her. Mr. Hunt quickly goes into the next room, shaking his head briskly back and forth, and he just mutters over and over again, "No, this can't be. No, I just saw my son tonight. No, it isn't possible." His desperate eyes meet mine and he says, "Are you sure it was Jamie? I was just with him." I meet his eyes directly and respond, "Yes, sir. We are positive. The coroner made a positive identification thirty minutes ago. Here is his number for you to call." I continue to hold his gaze and tell him how sorry I am for his loss as I hand him the business card.

I explain that his son's body is at the coroner's office until the autopsy is done. They will then transport the body to whatever funeral parlor the family prefers. I go into detail about what our agency does, how we can help with the funeral arrangements. I tell them about victim's compensation and that financial assistance is available should they need it. I watch his face as I have watched the faces of so many parents in disbelief. I know he is only half hearing me because he is in shock.

Mrs. Hunt is in the other room on the phone calling relatives and screaming into the phone, "They killed my  baby. Jamie is gone. They killed him. Jamie was shot. You need to come over here right now." Amy and I stay while family members begin to arrive. They have a ton of questions, some we can answer and some we cannot. What happened? Where was he? What was he doing? I know the answers to some of the questions and give as many facts as I can. I also know that Jamie was there to buy drugs, and it was a bad neighborhood, but I do not offer that information. They probably know that already, and it isn't the time or place to say it.

We leave them plenty of materials detailing our agency's services, information they will need for the upcoming months, about the criminal justice process and what happens when the offender is caught. After an hour or so, the family clearly needs to be alone, so Amy and I give our condolences once more and let them know they can call us anytime, twenty-four hours a day.

As we walk out of the house, I am exhausted inside. I look over at Amy, who has the same withered expression on her face that I know I do. We just shake our heads and get back into the car. I feel the sense of irony again, realizing anew that the body I saw a couple of hours ago could have been my body. The blood spilling out over the sidewalk could have been my blood. The parents opening their door could have been my parents.

Many years ago, I ran the streets in the middle of the night buying drugs, risking my life to get high. But not today. Today I am the person who does the knocking and delivers the message no parent or person should ever have to hear. 

©2008. Jennifer Storm. All rights reserved. Reprinted from Blackout Girl.  No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Hazelden, Center City, Minnesota 55012-0176.

Customer Reviews

Parents: Pay Attention!
This story is not unique. And that's unfortunate. It doesn't mean, however, that this isn't a valuable book and another reminder of the dangers American children face, particularly when they're left unsupervised. Alcohol and drug addiction, an equal-opportunity disease, remains a menace in this society, and I think the true purpose of this book is to alert parents of adolescents and teens to what's beyond their suburban fences and to PAY ATTENTION.

When an addict lives to tell the tale, it's always cause for celebration. Jennifer Storm writes with a simple, disarming style, wears it all on her sleeve, and bares little if any residual shame--just the ugly truth of her life as an addict. She illustrates the three distinct paths ahead for anyone drinking and drugging to that degree: jail, death, or recovery. And in spite of spending a good portion of her teen years experiencing blackout, she remembers and relates quite a bit about being raped (more than once) and her foray into intoxication to escape "the pain," from simply stealing sips of her mother's green liquor to becoming a suicidal crack addict.

There's room for these stories outside of AA meetings and in commercial fiction, with the hope that anyone who stumbles upon this book will find information, solace, and perhaps, steps toward recovery for themselves or someone they love. Storm also touches on why recovering addicts feel the need to share, when she relates a scene during the ride to rehab in "a druggie delivery car with a stoned crackhead" to her right, who acknowledges her in a way that shows he understands. It puts her at ease.

I recommend this book for parents of at risk children. If you know someone who fits this description, hand him or her a copy of Blackout Girl and suggest they read it cover to cover. Given the generally selfish and disengaged nature of these types of parents, you might have to read it out loud.

Michele Cozzens, Author of A Line Between Friends and The Things I Wish I'd Said.

Courtesy of Teens Read Too
Based on her real-life experiences, Jennifer Storm shares her difficult but triumphant story. Drinking, blackouts, drugs, addiction, and suicide attempts were all parts of her life in her teens and early twenties.

As you read about Jennifer's experiences, you will be amazed --- because the entire time you are reading her story, you know that she is writing her story, so she has to get better, right? And there are things so out-there that one would either think that there is no way this person would ever have a normal life or that the story must be fiction. But both of those thoughts would be incorrect.

What I loved about this book was that Jennifer was not afraid to share the ugly side of her addiction and substance abuse--it took her to some very daunting places that many would be too ashamed to share. I also was happy that hers was such a success story. When Jennifer decided that she was finished with that lifestyle, she was truly finished. (Of course, she received help to do so.)

Often times, our strengths are also our weaknesses....the fact that once she decides to quit using, she is able to do it will offer hope to many, because it can happen. However, for those who have tried to stop but have relapsed, I hope it doesn't send them the message that a relapse means they won't be able to get better the next time. Or the next. Or the next.

Regardless, Jennifer's story is one worth reading. My best wishes to her and her continued success.

Reviewed by: Dianna Geers

A sad story, too common today, with important lessons
Writing about such sad and tragic events, even when there is a happy ending, is an act of courage. Jennifer's telling of the story is at times so fluid I forgot I was reading and just took in the story. Those moments touched my heart and I found myself wanting to rescue her from the situation. Her slow spiral down to her low-point took many years. The sad reality of so many people in her life seeing her addiction and not offering more help is telling of our society's state of health. Her assent to a normal life she had never known was relatively swift. Her response to help is an example to all those who can find the motivation to accept it. She reveals some incredible truths about the internal struggle she and her peers in rehab had to make. Between the lines she reveals how dysfunctional her family was, and her choice of friends.
There are internal conflicts in the book, and a few too many chapters jumping to a different time to illustrate a point. So I struggled to get through the first half, then stayed home too long one morning to read the last half.
This is an important telling of a tragic reality. It sends the important message that a normal life is attainable. I recommend this book to anyone how wants to understand the life of an addict.