these are things i want you to own. or at least, consider owning. shouldn't you buy something for someone else today? why do you only think about yourself? that's so selfish. you know what? to hell with someone else. buy something for you. you deserve it. i like you. i really do. in fact, i would buy these things for you if i could. but i probably can't afford it. besides, i don't have your address. no, no. it's okay. it's probably easier if you just buy it for yourself and pretend it's from me. have it gift-wrapped even. your so welcome! i hope it's what you wanted!