Product Description

Be the first in the U.S. to own one of the finest relaxation devices invented. Used in helath clinics all over Europe. Designed by the world famous Biotonus Clinic in Switzerland specifically for relaxation and stress reduction. The custom designed Relaxman is completely heat, light, and sound proof, providing total isolation for the ideal environmental therapy. Inside, the heated water mattress stays at body temperature while soothing, preprogrammed music and lights take you into a deep state of relaxation. Research shows that a 50 minute rest in the negative ion-enriched atmosphere effectively helps reduce tension, anxiety, depression and fatigue. Also helps combat jet lag and sleep imbalance. 10'L x 5'6"W x 4'6"H. Relaxman will be shipped from Switzerland to your door with separate charges to be estimated based on location.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #262845 in Single Detail Page Misc

Customer Reviews

It really works.
One drawback, when it was delivered the capsule had no bolt on the outside. But I'm handy, so I installed one.

I have been locking the wife and kids into the chamber from 7pm to 7am every evening, and boy am I relaxed. This really works.

Not suitable for use in the southern hemisphere
The Product Description fails to mention a very important issue. When used below the equator, the Relaxman's negative-ion atmosphere actually becomes a positive-ion atmosphere. Consequently, far from relaxing you, it will only make you angrier and angrier. If a user doesn't recognize this in time, obviously the results could be tragic.

It's not clear if the Biotonus Clinic - which, being world famous, obviously needs no introduction - simply wasn't planning on marketing this product in, say, sub-Saharan Africa. But as Madonna's recent humanitarian visit illustrates, there are desperately impoverished countries like Malawi that may be equally desperate in their search for relaxation. If that search leads them to the Relaxman Relaxation Capsule... well, I'd rather not think about it.

On a side note: since it costs only a Lincoln short of 40 large, I assume the Relaxman will be included in the ban of luxury-good imports to North Korea. I hope that the deciding bodies at the United Nations will consider making an exception in this one case. That Kim Jong-Il seems a little wound up. Who knows? The Relaxman's brand of environmental therapy might end up easing tensions throughout the whole Korean peninsula.

Taught Me Empathy and Humility
I climbed into my Relaxman Capsule and found myself in a beautiful snowy forest. Then I met a faun, and I was going to run away because he looked scary, but he offered me candy and a ride to his house, so I figured it was okay. Afterwards he told me to return with my brother and sisters. So we all squeezed into the Relaxman, but the White Witch was there first, and she turned everyone but me into inflatable dolls and I ran away while she was blowing them up, or at least I think that's what she was doing. I escaped into the woods and got chased by a bunch of wolves who tried to bite me, but they ran off when a unicorn came and made me play leapfrog. After the mishap, he told me I needed SRS, so he took me to the nearby multiverse-famous Biotonus Clinic, where he dropped me on the sidewalk and fled when he saw the security guard. The doorman rummaged through my pockets and tried to turn me away because my insurance didn't cover impalation upon the horn of an imaginary beast, but the delirium was setting in and I mumbled something about being king on my home planet. It turned out I had a receipt from Burger King in my wallet, so he believed me. He took me to a room in the mental wing with a big throne. At least they told me it was a throne, but when I took a close look I saw it was a folding chair. Actually there were two folding chairs, and I later found out that the other one belonged to the White Witch. I caught her sneaking in at 2AM hiding a Wookiee under her dress. I tried to call the guards, but she said the more the merrier, and the desk clerk just laughed and grabbed a camera. The Wookiee was looking at me and making funny noises and drooling, and Queen ordered me to assume the position. I didn't know what that meant but it didn't sound good and the Wookiee had halitosis, so I jumped out the window and ran back to my Relaxman. When I got home I chopped up the capsule with an axe so the Queen wouldn't come after me. Then I remembered the Queen still had my siblings, so I took the Relaxman back to the world-famous Biotonus Clinic for repairs, and they opened another portal in the space-time continuum. My brother and sisters were annoyed to find themselves in Switzerland, especially since they had discovered the Queen was really a lot of fun once you got to know her. She turned out to be a latent submissive, and she had been waiting all her life for some dominants to come along and make a real Queen of her. I had never really thought about it, but it must be very hard being a Queen, having everybody do what you say all the time. It just goes to show that you never really know someone until you've walked in their spiked heels while you tie them up and whip them.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.