Product Description

How does Steve Almond get himself into so much trouble? Could it be his incessant moralizing? His generally poor posture? The fact that he was raised by a pack of wolves? Frankly, we haven’t got a clue. What we do know is that Almond has a knack for converting his dustups into essays that are both funny and furious. In (Not that You Asked), he squares off against Sean Hannity on national TV, nearly gets arrested for stealing “Sta-Hard” gel from his local pharmacy, and winds up in Boston, where he quickly enrages the entire population of the Red Sox Nation. Almond is, as they say in Yiddish, a tummler.

Almond on personal grooming: “Why, exactly, did I feel it would be ‘sexy’ and ‘hot’ to have my girlfriend wax my chest? I can offer no good answer to this question today. I could offer no good answer at the time.”
On sports: “To be a fan is to live in a condition of willed helplessness. We are (for the most part) men who sit around and watch other men run and leap and sweat and grapple each other. It is a deeply homoerotic pattern of conduct, often interracial in nature, and essentially humiliating.”
On popular culture: “I have never actually owned a TV, a fact I mention whenever possible, in the hopes that it will make me seem noble and possibly lead to oral sex.”
On his literary hero, Kurt Vonnegut: “His books perform the greatest feat of alchemy known to man: the conversion of grief into laughter by means of courageous imagination.”
On religion: “Every year, when Chanukah season rolled around, my brothers and I would make the suburban pilgrimage to the home of our grandparents, where we would ring in the holiday with a big, juicy Chanukah ham.”

The essays in (Not that You Asked) will make you laugh out loud, or, maybe just as likely, hurl the book across the room. Either way, you’ll find Steve Almond savagely entertaining. Not that you asked.

“A pop-culture-saturated intellectual, a kindly grouch, vitriolic Boston Red Sox hater, neurotic new father and Kurt Vonnegut fanatic… [Almond] scores big in every chapter of this must-have collection. Biting humor, honesty, smarts and heart: Vonnegut himself would have been proud.”
—— Kirkus Reviews (starred review)

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #681677 in Books
• Published on: 2007-09-11
• Released on: 2007-09-11
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Hardcover
• 304 pages

Amazon.com Review
(Not that You Asked): Rants, Exploits, and Obsessions is an Amazon Significant Seven selection for October 2007

An Exclusive Essay from Author Steve Almond

Steve Almond is obsessed. He first offered the world a peek into his fixations in My Life in Heavy Metal, a collection of short stories throbbing with hookups, drunken kisses, failed passes, souring relationships, and, naturally, heavy metal. But Almond forever chewed the hard chocolate shell from his creamy inner obsessive with 2004's Candyfreak: A Journey through the Chocolate Underbelly of America--a sort of On the Road for the sugar set, documenting an epic journey through America's confectionary highways and backroads. Almond is back with (Not that You Asked): Rants, Exploits, and Obsessions, a collection of autobiographical pieces covering topics as diverse as Oprah Winfrey, Kurt Vonnegut, sexual failure, and the many varieties of shame. We asked Almond just what it is about obsession that drives his work, as well is its intrinsic value in all art--low and high. --Jon Foro

By Steve Almond

A close friend of mine – who may or may not be my wife – recently fell in love with the VH-1 reality series House of Rock. For those of you who are not hip to its charms, HoR stars Bret Michaels, the former lead singer of Poison, and a gaggle of women vying to become his soul mate. I hope you will not be shocked to learn that several of these potential soul mates are strippers. Nor do all of them appear to be virgins.

My friend insists that her interest in the program is purely anthropological. But I happen to know that she spent a good portion of her adolescence listening to Eighties hair metal bands and dreaming about bedding dudes like Bret Michaels and even working, briefly, as a waitress in a topless bar. She comes by her obsession naturally, is my point.

The longer I read and write, the more I come to view obsession as the essential engine of literature. I am not suggesting that my wife, er, friend should write a novel about House of Rock. (The series is, by her own description, a kind of pulp novel already--histrionic, predictable, crushingly squalid.) What I’m suggesting is that her allegiance to the program identifies essential fears and desires within her, ones which embarrass her quite robustly and therefore belong in the novel she hopes to write.

To take this a step further: I’m not interested in writing that isn’t obsessive. Who is? We’re all drama queens in the end. We all come to stories with two basic questions: Who do I care about? And What do they care about? As long as our hero, or heroine, cares deeply about something (i.e. is obsessed), and as long as they’re willing to tell us their own twisted version of the truth, we’ll come along for the ride.

Don’t believe me? Let me call to the stand my star witness, Humbert Humbert. Read more...

From Publishers Weekly
This collection of essays on everything from Oprah's Book Club to the joy of being a new father displays all the qualities that have made Almond's short stories (The Evil B.B. Chow) and nonfiction (Candyfreak) entertaining. The wicked humor of Dear Oprah features an in-your-face attack on the Savior of Publishing and her book club, followed by equally obsequious apologies, including a gift of trust to her of his baby daughter. A section titled About My Sexual Failure (Not That You Asked) offers brutally honest dissections of his sexual obsessions as well as those of past girlfriends, including chest waxing, fake breasts and masturbating in the family pool. Demagogue Days is a hilarious look at Almond's experience with Fox News that displays an abiding disgust at current arbiters of cultural and political life in America as well as an enduring empathy for the underdog. But best of all is a beautiful and angry essay on The Failed Prophecy of Kurt Vonnegut (and How It Saved My Life), a look at Vonnegut's career-long concern over whether mankind would survive its own despicable conduct that serves as a summation of Almond's personal and literary ethos. (Sept.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

About the Author
Steve Almond is the author of the story collections My Life in Heavy Metal and The Evil B.B. Chow, the nonfiction book Candyfreak, and the novel Which Brings Me to You, co-written with Julianna Baggott. He lives outside Boston with his wife, Erin, and daughter, Josephine, whom he cannot stop kissing. Visit the author at www.stevenalmond.com.

Customer Reviews

Five Reviewers Give Five Stars
Here's how much I enjoyed "(Not That You Asked)":

The publisher sent me a free advance softcover proof last month, and I still bought a new hardcover the day it was officially released. If you knew how frugal (read: cheap) I am, you'd understand how remarkable this is.

Why shell out my hard-earned for a book I've already read and gotten for free? Because I wanted to send Random House the message that Steve Almond is a huge talent, the real deal, and they better keep publishing him.

So "enjoyed" is kind of a weak verb.

I love this book, is what I'm saying.

I love that Almond takes aim at the easy targets -- Oprah, Fox News, Condi, Reality TV -- in fresh, hilarious ways, but places himself in the crosshairs more than anyone. I love that his long fanboy tribute to Kurt Vonnegut, "Everything Was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt," nails exactly why *I've* "crush[ed] on Kurt Vonnegut" for more than half of my life.

I love that no matter what subject he's tackling -- fake breasts, masturbation, unplanned fatherhood, body waxing, blog wars -- Almond surprises and delights and makes me think while I'm laughing and laugh while I'm thinking.

Clearly I've lost all objectivity with this book. Let me at least attempt to inject a little balance by enlisting the help of four friends. The quotations below are from people I either loaned the book to or bought the book for. None of them actually know I'm quoting them on Amazon, but I don't think they'll mind (not that I asked).

Here are their actual reactions:

Martha (via e-mail, two days after I loaned her my advance copy): "Steve Almond is my new favorite author. Loved it. Love LOVE LOVE LOVED it. Can't wait to buy a copy. Wonderful recommendation. He's funny and poignant and kickass. I want to be his best friend."

John (via e-mail): "Thank you for the book. I've already started reading it and it is laugh-out-loud funny. I'm definitely going to his reading when he comes to Fresno."

Chuck! (via e-mail): "Just wanted to let you know I received your kind gift of Steve Almond's book. How exciting! I read the first chapter on Oprah almost immediately and I'm still laughing about it. Can't wait to read more tonight when I get home!"

Karen (sitting next to me on the couch): "This is the best book I've read all year. I can't put it down. I have a stack of papers to grade by tomorrow, but I can't stop reading. I have to assign this book to all of my lit and creative writing students. It will change everything."

See? It's not just me.

Almond's Best -- A Must Read
Despite the fact that this outstanding collection of essays is being primarily promoted as a racy, sexy read, 'Not that You Asked' is a much more profound work, and I believe that many readers will love it. You will indeed laugh -- out loud, really hard -- but you will also be moved and provoked to think and consider important questions and values. The 'spine' of this book is comprised of Almond's honesty and his cracklingly clever take on life; that is, his life. This is what makes 'Not that You asked' so compelling to me -- Almond holds nothing back and reveals to readers not only his adventures and joys, but also his times of doubt and uncertainty. I feel this book hits on many universal struggles; for writers, families, spouses and families, and what America is and does as a country and a society. All the while, Almond's hilarious style keeps the read fresh and fascinating. The essays are extremely varied in topic but they all fit together marvelously and there's a special flavor to the collection, a
really fine flavor. This is a must-read, folks. Enjoy it!

Almond knocks another one out of the park
Not That You Asked is the third book I've read by Steve Almond, and I would have to say that so far, this is my favorite. As with all of Almond's previous work, Not That You Asked has the all of the sharp wit, cutting insight,irreverance,sex,laugh-out-loud humor and great storytelling that Almond's fans would expect, but this book delivers more... it delivers HIM! The book offers a naked, unflinching, honest, and truely human view into Almond himself. Especially funny and touching are the stories of his childhood and adolecence, which are full of all of all of the secret, awkward insecurities, fears, and humiliations that most of us experienced at that age (as well as a few I'm glad that I didnt), but never discussed with anyone. Instead of hiding them, Almond lays them out for all to see. We watch as Almond progresses from being a teenager full of secret doubts, fears, and neurosies, to becoming an adult full of secret doubts, fears, and neurosies...just like most of us. It is brutally human and real, and at the same time, VERY funny.