Product Description

Women are constantly being told that it's simply too difficult to balance work and family, so if they don't really "have to" work, it's better for their families if they stay home. Not only is this untrue, Leslie Bennetts says, but the arguments in favor of stay-at-home motherhood fail to consider the surprising benefits of work and the unexpected toll of giving it up. It's time, she says, to get the message across -- combining work and family really is the best choice for most women, and it's eminently doable.Bennetts and millions of other working women provide ample proof that there are many different ways to have kids, maintain a challenging career, and have a richly rewarding life as a result. Earning money and being successful not only make women feel great, but when women sacrifice their financial autonomy by quitting their jobs, they become vulnerable to divorce as well as the potential illness, death, or unemployment of their breadwinner husbands. Further, they forfeit the intellectual, emotional, psychological, and even medical benefits of self-sufficiency.The truth is that when women gamble on dependancy, most eventually end up on the wrong side of the odds. In riveting interviews with women from a wide range of backgrounds, Bennetts tells their dramatic stories -- some triumphant, others heartbreaking.The Feminine Mistake will inspire women to accept the challenge of figuring out who they are and what they want to do with their lives in addition to raising children. Not since Betty Friedan has anyone offered such an eye-opening and persuasive argument for why women can -- and should -- embrace the joyously complex lives they deserve.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #397119 in Books
• Published on: 2007-04-03
• Released on: 2007-03-28
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Hardcover
• 384 pages

From Publishers Weekly
Starred Review. It would be easy to dismiss this as yet another salvo in the mommy wars-—the debate over women opting out of careers to be stay-at-home moms. But Bennetts, a longtime journalist and writer for Vanity Fair, is more interested in investigating what she sees as the heart of the matter: economics. Through impressive research and interviews with experts and with real women, Bennetts shows that women simply cannot afford to quit their day jobs. Long-term loss of income has a cascading impact in areas such as medical benefits and retirement funds, not to mention a woman's sense of autonomy, derived from financial independence. Further, a career supplies a woman with a measure of security for herself and her children in the event of unexpected sickness or divorce. As any woman who has tried knows, returning to the workforce and finding a well-paying job after an absence of years, or even decades, is difficult. Not so long ago mothers would pin a dollar bill to their daughters' underclothes when they went out on a date in case, for some reason, they needed carfare home. Those mothers knew all to well that without money of your own it's easy to be left stranded. As Bennetts expertly shows, it's still true. (Apr.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From AudioFile
The debate of whether mothers should work outside the home or simply stay home with their children is neither new nor easy. Bennetts puts the focus on the necessity for women to take into consideration the risks of total financial dependence on men. This book is primarily a collection of stories of various women in a range of circumstances that allow them to stay home with their kids. Bennettss reading of this abridgment is adequate. Her style is more dramatic than needed, and her voice is a bit strained at times, but the overall presentation is easy to listen to and to follow. J.E.M. © AudioFile 2007, Portland, Maine-- Copyright © AudioFile, Portland, Maine

From Booklist
Many well-educated American women are giving up the struggle to balance career and motherhood and making the "willfully retrograde choice" of relying on men to support them and their children, Bennetts maintains. Financial dependency can jeopardize women's futures and those of their children, she warns. Drawing on interviews with hundreds of women as well as sociologists, economists, legal scholars, and other experts, Bennetts lays out the dangers of giving up careers. She looks at how new divorce laws have altered alimony, reducing the likelihood of a lifetime guarantee of support for stay-at-home mothers after divorce. She details the impact of a loss of income on medical and retirement benefits and weighs it against lifelong financial needs. Bennetts encourages women to consider a "fifteen-year paradigm," viewing their lives beyond the years of motherhood and asking themselves what they want from life when their children are grown and gone. Allowing women to tell their own stories of economic abandonment, Bennetts presents a cautionary tale for women pondering giving up economic independence. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Customer Reviews

A must-read for all American women in or out of the workplace.
As a working mom myself, I actually loved reading this book, probably first and foremost because it re-affirmed my choice to work outside of the home. It would put a huge burden on my husband were I to leave my job, for the cost of healthcare alone for a family of four. We make decent money, but raising two active boys, who are involved in team sports and other activities that cost money, is not a bargain. Even American families like us, with a combined household income in the neighborhood of $100,000 or more, have a hard time of it, because let's face it--children are expensive no matter what your income range.

In her book, Ms. Bennetts doesn't touch upon this reality too much; she mostly addresses the issues of self-fulfillment in a career as well as the very real need for women to be self-sufficent. However, some of the stories she tells about non-working women in households that go broke echo an underlying inequity in our society with regards to single-income households. It is frankly not fair to shackle my husband with the sole responsibility of handling everyday expenses of raising children and also making sure our own needs are met.

Regarding the very valid feelings of dissatisfaction that many women (including myself) often have about women's workplace politics and conditions, Ms. Bennetts also touches upon, albeit briefly, the 500-pound elephant in the room (so to speak) that we women have been ignoring to our peril. For the past 30 or so years in America, there has been a resistance to fully accommodate women in the workforce, particularly working mothers. The issues that stem from this resistance include (among others) gender discrimination, pay inequity, and the growing lack of adequate healthcare insurance and childcare options available for working families. These problems can understandably wear on us, and it's no wonder that many women are tempted to "opt out," as Ms. Bennetts puts it.

The greater question Ms. Bennetts asks (and I agree with her) is, why aren't we (as women AND as good citizens) doing more to work towards improvement in these areas? The author insightfully brings up our collective unwillingness as American women to work for changing the things we don't like about the workplace situation in the U.S. and how it treats working parents. She emphasizes that it's far better for us to assert our needs and rights as members of the workforce, and continue to fight the good fight for the next generations, rather than sitting back in the safety of our homes and letting someone else (namely politicians and corporations) make these decisions for us.

I couldn't have been more pleased with reading this book. I recommend it highly to any American women who wants to see changes in the way they live and work. Ms. Bennett's book is truly an inspiration.

Spot on - no matter how you cut it!
I find the controversy about this book laughable - Leslie Bennetts is right about the financial piece. A man is not a plan. SAHMs need a sound and informed plan in case life takes a different turn than you envisioned. Who can argue with that?

My SAHM friends recommended this book to me. I have been a SAHM and worked outside the home. They both took careful planning and a strong partnership with my husband. Kudos to Ms. Bennetts for tackling these charged issues!

Stay Home and Career Mom

I have to admit that I have only skimmed this book but have read many others on this subject. I find it fascinating that some people see this as so much of an either/or proposition. This is a very personal choice in many cases, one influenced by so many different factors.

When I was engaged and planning to marry, my future husband and I had a very serious discussion. Actually, it was an argument in which he took the position that I should expect to stay home when we inevitably had children. I took the opposite one, stating quite emphatically that there was NO way I was going to do what my mother had done and stay home with a bunch of kids. I wanted a career yada, yada, yada.

Well, five and a half years passed. I had my graduate degree and was working as a clinical social worker. I saw lots of troubled families, some with two parents working and some with a stay at home mom. Right up until the time my first child was born, I thought I was going to go right back when the maternity leave was up. That all changed in the moment I first laid eyes on my beautiful baby boy, Brody.

Eighteen months later, along came Carly. I was so happy I didn't think it was possible to feel any greater joy. They were amazing, bright, very busy kids and I loved being with them and watching them grow and discover the world. After a few years though, I found that I was missing the work and wanted to put my hand back in it a bit, so I went back part-time, doing some contract psychotherapy, home care, etc. It was the best of all possible worlds for me.

And then the unthinkable happened, two things actually. My husband became very ill and couldn't work while being treated. I went back to work full time to support the family. About nine months later, my little boy drowned while on our first family outing since my husband's illness. Brody was 6 years old.

It's been nearly nine years now. We have grieved our loss and moved forward to adopt a couple of other children who needed a stable loving home because their birth parents couldn't provide one for them. I am working full time and trying to find a way to spend more time with them, to give them a good start on life.

I will leave you with this one thought. Having lost my son, as young as he was, how do you think I would I would have felt if I had pushed the career and climbed up some corporate ladder and not had those precious few years with him?

Is it economically risky to choose to stay home? Yes, Will you miss the pats on the back you get from a job well done? Maybe. But if your child dies young or grows up calling some other care giver Mom, will you regret not doing it? Probably yes.

I encourage all women to give the issue serious thought as far ahead of time as you can. Plan for it. Give yourself options in terms of lowering your financial commitments to allow for surviving on one income for awhile. That way, when the baby comes and you look into that little face, you will have the freedom to make a different choice than you thought you might.

Good luck to all young mothers in these difficult times,

A woman who has been on both sides.